I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
