u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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