Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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