Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
