I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
