all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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