My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
