it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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