Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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