It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
you're hired as official boob wrangler
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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