can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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