I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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