and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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