ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
