You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
