So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
