Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
