Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
