I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
