so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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