I wanna passion pit in your ass
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
