Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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