im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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