just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
