I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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