My friends, they love my intelligence
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
