I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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