Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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