We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
