ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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