Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
