JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We have started to decorate penises.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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