out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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