please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
