the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
