What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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