is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
