I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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