my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
