i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
