I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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