she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
