There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have already put on my inside pants.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
