dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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