we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
