I'm lost and stupid without you.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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