Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
