Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
