I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
