it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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