Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
