so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
