Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
