My room smells like vodka and shame
kristin has been a bad kristin
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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