never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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