i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
