I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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