do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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